If you thought Tyra’s hamsters and their histrionics were entertaining, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

There’s a lot of evidence of the awesomeness of Australia’s Next Top Model, but I think last week’s commercial for a feminine-hygiene product, which involved the model’s hosting a 30-second spot while holding a large stuffed beaver (“I was surprised how many girls didn’t know what a beaver was” … “I thought the link between the product and the beaver was pretty clear”), speaks for itself:

… but instead I’m watching what could supplant Gossip Girl as The. Most. Important. Television. Show. Of. Our. Time!: Farmer Wants a Wife (tagline: “Wanted: A woman who is smart, beautiful, and ready for some plowing” — ba dum ching!). Just like The Bachelor, only with ten times the pig feces. AWWWEESOME.

Liveblogging the newest season of Gordon Ramsey’s Hell’s Kitchen: “The only thing I’m going to lose to a woman is an ironing contest!”

Damn those women and their ironing skills. And their ovaries. And their ability to parse the idiotic ins and outs of gender stereotypes expressed on aggressively uninteresting reality TV shows.